Hectic

Lately, all I’ve been doing is scrambling.  Scrambling to do this, scrambling to do that.  Take care of this, pay attention to that,  attend meetings, talk on the phone, strategize deployment, do projections, monitor accounting, do some pr work.  And that isn’t even half of it. 

Last week, Igor got hospitalized again.  It seems his pneumonia from the previous confinement did not get totally well.  Hence, back to the hospital he went.  Poor kid lost a lot of weight, but he’s okay now.  Back to his gobbling, hyperactive ways.  Good thing that there wasn’t any work last Monday.  Was able to spend quality time with the buttboy.  

But we’re back to reality.  Just yesterday, I found out that the long awaited contract has finally been signed.  I’m excited but at the same time fearful as this really is a big project and my foresight can already see many a sleepless night in the near future.  But all in the name of success! This will bring about a lot of changes in the office and at the same time, provide much security for the future.  

So only two things might happen from hereon.  I won’t get to blog or I will be so stressed that writing about it would be therapy.  I don’t know, let’s see what happens next.  

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Loneliness has gotten a grip of me.  Lately, I have been contemplating if life would be much easier to live if I probably  had somebody special to share it with.   There are a couple of prospects, but I don’t think I’m ready for anything serious at this point.  Priorities really are to fix my life and build a comfortable future for me and the kids, and I’ve noticed that no matter how attracted I am to somebody, I just can’t seem to get myself to do something about it.  

Maybe it’s just because I’m jaded.  But really, I don’t have the patience anymore to sit down with a date and try to get to know them.  In the end, something always disappoints me and I guess, am not prepared to settle for what’s there.  But then I think to myself that I don’t even go out, so how the heck do I meet that person? Which of course, the “other” people  inside of me say that people I meet out probably are not suited for me as I really am a homebody and I guess people I meet out of it, prefer to be out of the house most of the time.  Did that make sense? Or maybe I’m just making excuses for myself.  I really have no idea.  As much as I dive deep inside my soul during such times, this time, I feel stumped.  

It’s probably from all the stuff that swim in my head.   My friends, went out last Wednesday.  I was still at work till 8.  Got home by nine.  They invited me of course, but I really didn’t have the energy to go out anymore. Just wanted to rest.  

Holy Crap!  I think I just did a pity party! That’s not right! 

Oh well, there’s a vortex of thoughts running through my mind and I just had to spew it out with hopes of getting a little semblance of order.