At the Cusp….

The weekend was supposed to be a work weekend.  Damn, just to many things to do.  I’m tired and stressed.  Anxious of the work week, I could barely focus on what to do first.

Am at the cusp of success.  Just one more big push and this damned thing is in the bag.  Yet, strangely enough, I find myself in doubt on whether I deserve this.  I’ve noticed this about me.  Right when something I’ve wanted is almost within reach, I somehow manage to sabotage it and mostly it is an unconcious effort.  It troubles me no end and only adds to the already humongous stress levels. 

Tried to work but couldn’t concentrate.  Both kids were with me and their smiles and laughter really could not be ignored.  Afterall, they are the ones who I’m truly working for.  Yet, I’ve wanted this (success) right from the get go.  I can’t just stand idly by while it passes it front of me. 

Last Satruday morning, I had a dream.  It was rather vivid.  I was walking in a misty forest and was strolling in mud.  Not doing much, just walking. Mud was relatively deep.  Not knee deep, just almost half of my shoes. Guess what the dream dictionary had to say?  It says that to dream of walking on mud means that something is weighing me down. 

“Now what the fuck could that be?”  I asked myself.  I know I’ve carried a tremendous load of baggage, but I’m sure i’ve left most of it right where they belong.  In the past. 

Past, present, future.  I have lived a very colorful life.  So colorful in fact, that it could rival the most cheesy telenovelas out there.  So much unwanted drama, so much trials and tribulations and yet, so many glorious triumphs as well.  Never dreamt that my life could be so eventful.  

Today, woke up still troubled.  I finally did what I normally do when such things weigh me down.  I listened to my favorite song for such situations.  Burn Out Bright by Switchfoot.  Did the job so well, that I feel that I can do anything at this point.  

It is time to take the step into destiny.  Time to embrace greatness and success.