Fate?
July 18, 2008One often meets his destiny, in the road he takes to avoid it.
Quote from Kung Fu Panda
I found this so true in some aspects of my life. I guess there are just somethings that are meant to happen, and no matter how much you try to avoid them, they will find a way to come back and bite you in the ass.
I remember this one recent incident when I went out with some friends. I have not seen this friend of mine for a long time and he invited me and another friend to meet them somewhere in Manila. It turns out that his wife and him had some female friends with them that night. When we got there, they were telling us of this woman, who they said was separated from her husband, but also seeing another man (who is also very much married and still living with his common law wife). Then they asked for our inputs.
Talk about fate. Me stumbling into something like this. Of all circumstances, it had to be one that I had direct experience with. I cannot say that I am a master in the area of marital relationships (as mine completely failed) but in an effort to better understand what was happening in my life then, I did a lot of reading into this phenomenon (infidelity) and talked to a lot of people with the same experience. I can only come into one conclusion. Hasty judgments are uncalled for but at the same time, there are self-esteem issues that a person who does such acts, need to address. Anyway, I will post my thoughts on that in another entry.
So I gave them my inputs into it. Saying that decency among humans is fast disappearing with the advent of internet chat, and why people cling on to illicit affairs and how it provides them with a sense of high or an outlet to escape current circumstances in their marital lives. Not minding the collateral damage around them (spouse and kids) as long as they get their necessary fix. Such selfishness is legendary.
Little did I know that we were talking about one of their friends who was in the same group that was present there. They informed us, when the lady went to the rest room. Talk about foot in mouth syndrome!!! But I stood by my comments if only to show her the other side of the coin and to open her eyes to who and what their act is affecting.
I am not doing a holier than thou here. God knows I have my own ton of crap to deal with and I’ve probably done some things in a state of rage that would make some of you guys cringe either in fear or in disgust. I’m not proud of them, and certainly, am not about to do them again. But I did see the need to inform this lady of things that she may have not thought of.
As we prepared to leave, I approached my friend who invited us and took him aside. “Pare, what were the chances that this friend of yours and I would meet on this night? I begin to think that it was fated.” To which he totally agreed.
While going back to our rides, I could hear the lady saying that she should’ve just gone back to work and probably would’ve earned money for the time she spent with us. She said this jokingly of course, but as what’s said in psychology, some jokes are half-meant.
I don’t really care if she takes the lessons to heart. My point is that she was given a chance to see what’s on the other side of the fence and the ball really is now on her side of the court and what she plans to do with it is her and only hers to call.
Previous Comments
yeah, I found it really freaky as well.
well, I guess she got a chance to see the other side of th coin, if that doesn’t deter her still, then I guess, she’ll have some serious answering to do.
i agree. technology nowadays make is so easy for people to “cheat”. women would flirt in chatrooms and forums. while men would content themselves with easy-access porn. I say nowadays, women cheat more than men. and men cheat because of the initiatives of the women. if this is the case, are they victims as well? i guess, we’ll never know.
Posted by Vandal Box at July 20, 2008, 3:03 pmVB,
To say yes to your question would mean that men would be the inferior gender (as we have no power to control our instinctual desires) which would be a complete and utter justification for us to cheat.
We do not think with our dicks and it bothers me that other men seem to think that this is an acceptable excuse.
Granting that a man gets weak-kneed around flirtatious women. Then why expose yourself to instances where there are opportunities to hurt your significant other? Simply put, married men have no business going into chatrooms where there are overly affectionate women. To do so reflects how much importance they have given to their significant other.
The best solution is to inculcate the saying “to do unto others what you would want them to do unto you.” If you don’t want your significant other doing it to you, then why the heck should you do it to them?
Whew! that was a long answer. sorry.
Posted by ramblingvirus at July 20, 2008, 7:50 pmWell said Ramblingvirus. Thank you for that insight. The Golden Rule stands true in every sense. I, on the other hand, do not think that we have no control over our instinctual (carnal even) desires. Of course we do have control. We are men. But it is true however that a lot of men have gone astray because of their “failure” to fight the “urge”. I’m sure they didn’t want to do it (at least there are some of those who really don’t) but still end up hurting other people. It’s a sad situation really. Because they have no one else to blame but themselves. Sigh.
Posted by Vandal Box at July 21, 2008, 10:18 amVB, sorry that my last comment was not clear enough. I didn’t mean for it to point at you as one of those that think that way.
My take on the situation, there are probably men, who out of the confusion of their own minds or lack of proper education, may fall into temptation. It is these men, who upon seeing the pained look on their significant other’s face when they find out, realize what a holocaust they have created and will do anything (even to the point of risking being reminded of their act over and over and over again for years upon years) to keep the marriage in tact and work hard to to gain the respect and trust that was lost. These types of men, holds a lot of hope and basically says that not all men are pigs.
However, on the other hand, and I have noticed this happening more than the first, that most men are more than eager to blame their being men when they commit infidelity. It has been so widely accepted in society that such an excuse flies with a lot of people. Which is really sick cause it is basically saying that our brains can be found in our dicks and that we haven’t evolved much from the primal ape known as homo erectus (pun intended btw.)
But I agree, the choices are theirs and theirs alone and no amount of blame tossing will remove the guilt at the end of the day.
Posted by ramblingvirus at July 21, 2008, 12:56 pmoh well.. I don’t have that much respect for women and/or men who cheat. I mean.. what the fuck is that for?? if you’ve got problems in your marriage, why not TALK? duh? talk is easier than meeting someplace private and spending tons of money. it’s definitely better than pretending everything is all right..
but that’s just me trying to be smart.
Posted by Liquidskinn at August 16, 2008, 5:46 pmI agree. But as I said before. Some people really don’t know what they have until they lose it. And after indulging their most selfish needs, they try to worm their way back into the lives of those people they hurt. It takes tremendous strength to say no to that. Cause they (cheaters) are very manipulative and know that their SO’s are vulnerable because of left over emotions.
yes, I suppose you’re right. but.. don’t they say that love is sweeter the second time around?
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indeed.. not all men are pigs..
but how do you tell them apart? how would you know if the guy you’re screwing now won’t screw another girl tomorrow or in the near future??
stupid question. totally irrelevant. but I’m just wondering..
Posted by liquidskinn at August 17, 2008, 3:07 pmHey if it happens once then giving it another shot is quite alright. However, do it again and see me out of the door.
Problem with such an experience is that it changes the whole dynamic of your relationship and (for me), nothing in this world will ever bring back the trust that was lost.
It is quite hard to tell. But a person’s self esteem is a hint though. The lower it is, the higher the percentage of the them cheating.
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waaaaay! what are the odds? *enlightenment*. but one thing i learned is that everything happens for a reason..good or bad. *hik!* rock and roll!
Posted by Joyce at July 19, 2008, 1:29 am